united nations

so for the last couple of months i've been making headlines for blog entries. but of course i didn't write much. actually, nothing. at all. so i thought i should start somewhere, but i have forgotten all my ideas.

i am missing tonight. missing home, missing york (before having actually left), missing norway.

i was reminded tonight that i'm not british. and of course, i am not. when i write reminded, i mean verbally reminded. it wasn't meant badly, but to prove that i don't know all the idioms and colloquialisms of this country. it sort hit me, harder than i wanted or meant it to. i've 'lived' and spoken in English for 5 years now, and though i make silly mistakes now and then, consider myself quite fluent. but it is true: however much i would like to use colloquialisms, i don't manage to.

and then i kept on thinking whether i am norwegian, and to be honest, i don't feel very norwegian either at the moment. 5 years since i lived there, one fourth of my life (about) in another country. and now i am going back, and i just know it is going to be rough. rough in the sense that i have to (again) stand up to myself, and find my place. so maybe this isn't so much about nationality as wanting to fit in. and then i think: but i don't want to fit in. but no one wants to be an outcast either.

i am leaving the UK in 6 days.
ta-ta.